Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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