So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
