If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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