the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do vagina's smell?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
