it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
