I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
