but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
