Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
