Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
