This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
