just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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