Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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