Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I believe in your delicious
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
