I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
