Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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