i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
