This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
