dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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