Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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