So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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