Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
