Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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