i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
