I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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