Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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