he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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