Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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