I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
