She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
