Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
