she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
