i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
