just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
