I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
