If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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