i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
