I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
