My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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