If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
