i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think your dad took our porno
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
