Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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