Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
