i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
