someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
