yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
