im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
