I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
