if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Randomize
