weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
