I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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