Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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