So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
