sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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