Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
