Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
